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Well now, I’m not even going to claim that feeding Max is a breeze or that I have all the answers when it comes to dealing with toddlers at mealtimes. But there is one way that I differ from most first-time moms I encounter or read about, and I thought I’d share my wisdom (snort) with you.

When Max was in the early toddler stages and before he could really talk, I did worry about whether or not he was eating well. And what “eating well” was is really anyone’s guess. In my culture, babies are pudgy and grandparents are always stuffing them with homemade food (even when those babies become adults!), so I knew my perspective was probably skewed. But if he was particularly cranky late in the day or waking frequently at night, I would consider that perhaps it was hunger.

And there have been moments as he’s gotten older and become more verbal that I’ve worried about whether or not he’s had enough to eat, especially when it’s “nonononono” to everything! But there are a few factors that have really helped me understand him better and have therefore gone very far in helping me not stress about mealtimes and how much he’s eating.

First of all, I’m a big believer in research. Not knowing much about toddlers and their “normal” eating patterns, I realized I needed some guidance. After reviewing a few options, I settled on the book How to Get Your Kid to Eat: But Not Too Much by Ellyn Satter. I’m glad I did, because the book really has provided a good deal insight. Although the book covers different ages and is not specific to toddlers, the section on pre-schoolers really hit home. Satter devotes a few pages to explaining what toddlers are going through on an emotional and developmental level, and how that affects their approach to food, and I found it very insightful. She offers some great advice and at least for us, her “golden rule” of toddler feeding has made sense to us and helped us not worry so much.

But a book isn’t enough. I can’t stress how important it is to understand a toddler’s anatomy. When I learned that a toddler’s stomach is the size of his/her fist, it really gave me a visual I could work with. It became obvious that portions could and had to be small - and that small was o.k.

The other thing that really helped me was taking a full account of what Max eats on an average week - and when I did that, I realized that even if he has days where all he eats is yogurt, fruit, milk and some veggies, it’s balanced by the other three where he has bread, meat and pasta. Also, he is in a home daycare where his nanny cooks hot meals for the kids (meat and veggie puree, pasta, etc.), and she always tells me how well he eats. So to me, if one or two nights he doesn’t want dinner, I’m comforted by the knowledge that he had breakfast in the morning and good, hearty lunch.

And finally, the biggest factor in helping me not stress about food and mealtimes has been Max himself. He is very clear in his likes and dislikes, in what he wants and doesn’t want. So when he says “no papa” (a Spanish baby word for food), I believe him. When he takes two bites and pushes his plate back, I don’t fight him. He’ll either pull it back in a few minutes when he wants more, or he’ll truly be done with his meal and that’s that. When he’s hungry, he now asks for food. And I take comfort in that, even if there’s a part of me that will always worry to a degree.

Of course, that’s not to say that peace reigns in my home. There are plenty - plenty - of times where Max is fussy and willful and an all-around PIA. There are days where he wants nothing but fruit and yogurt and throws a tantrum at the sight of anything else. It’s just that the one who’s different is me. I don’t let myself get stressed out (much), nor do I fight him back. Humoring, I have learned, goes a long way with a toddler.

Now share, what are your toddler feeding techniques?

(It should go without saying, but I want to be clear that I’m not a medical or health professional and am just sharing my take on this topic, not providing medical advice. If your child is sick, not thriving, or struggling with an eating disorder, don’t listen to a word I say.)

by Tere

[tags]kids, children, toddlers, parents, parenting, grandparents, eating, nutrition, weight, healthy, questions, How to Get Your Kid to Eat: But Not Too Much by Ellyn Satter[/tags]
Photo of the toddler in question lovingly provided by the author, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved