Before my older son was ever assigned homework, I believed homework to be rather a straightforward affair. A teacher would write the nightly assignment on the blackboard, her students would copy it down accurately and legibly, and, sometime after school but before bedtime, they would complete the work. Right?
Now I laugh at my naiveté, because third-grade children simply cannot do all of the above without some help. Understanding the rationale for homework as well as strategies for tackling it is not inborn but rather must be acquired with effort and over time. And while your child is learning how to do homework, you can bet the homework will be your responsibility as well.
This last year, during which Ben received his first letter grades and completed not only nightly homework of 30-45 minutes, but also more than one long-term project, has been an eye-opener for me. I have had to learn almost as much as Ben. For example, how much, or how little, should I assist in the completion of his homework? How much should his homework be my homework? And at what age will he be able to take full responsibility for his work, to the point where I don’t even need to lay eyes on his backpack?
Answering these questions has not been easy. My husband and I have found ourselves in broad disagreement over how much independence Ben should be expected to exhibit in third grade. My husband is of the mind that Ben is already old enough to sink or swim on his own. If he doesn’t remember to do his homework, he will discover in short order the consequences of his forgetfulness. I disagree. I believe that Ben is still figuring out how to do homework, still developing study habits, and so should be encouraged to work on assignments, and further encouraged to work on them carefully and thoughtfully.
I imagine that there will be plenty of time for Ben to sink or swim. Right now he asks for my help, not about the product of his efforts, but about the process. I never supply answers, but if he is confused about a question, I will not hesitate to reframe it so as potentially to elicit his understanding.
I know my son very well. I understand that as he gets fatigued, he becomes inattentive and easily discouraged. So early on I suggested to him that doing his homework immediately after school, while absolutely the wrong choice for some children, might just be the best choice for Ben. And that is how it has turned out. If once in a while going to tae-kwon-do lessons or a having a friend over prevents him from getting to his homework until after dinner, he is (and we are) sorry. The work takes far longer to complete and is accompanied by much moaning, groaning, and gnashing of teeth.
I believe in setting the stage for Ben so that when he begins to do homework independently, he will have internalized the conditions under which he works best. At that point he may choose to ignore these conditions if he wants, but at least he’ll know what he’s ignoring.
Are there disagreements within your family about homework and how it should be handled? And, if you have more than one child doing homework, do you find that your ideas about homework are specific to one or another of your children, or instead that they hold across the board?
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[tags]parenting, kids, school, homework, help, too much[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by Etolane, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
3 responses so far ↓
Kaleigh // May 24, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Ugh, homework!
We, too, have the kids do their homework immediately upon returning home from school. And it works for us.
However, the projects? There is no way in the world that either of my children (both of whom are in the gifted program) could complete their projects without serious help from adults. Honestly, I think they create these assignments in order to make sure parents are involved with their children’s education. A few of those projects? Let’s just say that I did the kid’s homework.
Bon // May 24, 2007 at 2:36 pm
ah homework, you divisive vixen, you. not only are you and hubby arguing about it, but the whole teaching community, and parents with teachers, and so on.
i’m a teacher who thinks that homework is generally overrated, for the very reasons you outline plus a few more. not only are many parents not of your mindset about supporting kids in terms of learning what homework is meant to teach - and i mean the lesson of diligence and self-reliance as much as the specific content of any lesson - but many teachers still just give rote homework that really doesn’t teach much except impatience or boredom. some do just because parents clamour for it, thinking it a sign that their kids are learning. sigh. i think homework CAN be very valuable in terms of practice for concepts covered in class…but only within a discourse that allows kids, like you say, to understand that they are meant to be learning to be self-reliant…and that gives them a chance to figure out what strategies work for them.
otherwise, it’s just punishment, IMO.
Tere // May 25, 2007 at 8:01 am
I don’t have to worry about this yet, but I remember not receiving any homework help from my parents - at any grade level. They were definitely of the “sink or swim” mentality, but I also know that there was a language issue, as well as nuances in the way they learned to do some things (like math; they were taught to divisions differently, for example).
I think the amount of help you give depends on the kid. Some kids just need more guidance and direction, while others don’t. Jack, for all you know, may “get it” and zip through homework as if nothing. Or not. But I do think it’s something that should be determined on an individual basis.
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