Grasshopper New Media Presents...

In October of 2006 Science Daily posted an article which gave this warning: “Toddlers and young children who watch violent movies, including Halloween horror films, television shows or video games may be more likely to develop anxiety, sleep disorders, and aggressive and self-endangering behaviors.”

Knowing this, parents try to follow the wise suggestion to limit their child’s television viewing until they are 2 years old - some say as old as 7. We are aware that we don’t want our children watching adult-oriented entertainment. Some adverts make for tricky viewing. And some films, even those supposedly designed with the young in mind, can be too much for children. Parents have a full time job protecting their children from the negative effects of today’s multimedia.

There is only one problem with all of this: Life!

Scary images are everywhere. On book covers in the library. On book covers in the book shops, even in the children’s section where books for teenagers and young adults are shelved close to books for toddlers. Freaky faces adorn the covers of magazines, staring out from the low shelving in newsagents, just at your child’s eye-level.

Boxes for toys have scary images. Merchandise for the latest movies and crazes are emblazoned everywhere - pirates, robots, dragons, and dinosaurs; a twisted, grimacing face can have a terrifying effect on a little child.

The toy section at Woolworths has toys for toddlers on one side of the aisle, and scary toys on the other. Some children don’t want to go down any of the aisles, always seeming to spot the nasty surprise, or simply remembering it from the last time they were there.

DVD covers are scary. Halloween is scary, and the images are carelessly everywhere. In the most bizarre of places, suddenly they are there in the window of a bank or building society. Huge movie posters are pasted up in bus shelters.

So, it’s a fact of life. They are there to stay. What can we do about it? How can parents shelter their children in a world like this?

Beth comes to me in the store, arms outstretched, “I need a pick-up. I’m scary of something.” Sometimes she just runs away. “I’m running away from it. I’m running so fast.”

This is what we don’t do: We don’t tell our little one not to worry, “It’s not real, it’s only a picture.” Or “Don’t be silly, it can’t harm you.” Or, “Look, there’s nothing we can do about it. Do you want to look at the toys, or not?” These kind of responses only serve to add embarrassment and guilt on top of the feelings of unease and fear they are already registering. They are only likely to increase a child’s anxiety.

Rather, we show empathy.

Parents can say to their child, “Oh, you don’t like that. That is scary for you.” “That is not very nice, is it?” Or, if possible, we might cover up a frightful picture, or quickly turn the page. We are saying: There are scary pictures, it is alright to be scared. By validating their feelings we make it easier for them to cope. When they have frightful dreams, we comfort them and hold them close, so that their fearful sights will be easier to bear. It softly introduces them to this world and its inevitability. Such a patient and empathetic response will not breed “sensitive” children who are scared of everything - the “children need to be tough in this world to survive!” approach will not work. Something better is needed.

Parents who show they understand their children’s feelings help children to cope with the feelings they are experiencing at that moment in time. We respect and trust that, as they grow, they will eventually see pictures as pictures and toys as toys. Gradually they can be pointed in that direction because they know they have parents who understand and accept their feelings. It is this warm realization that helps shelter children in this world.

Do you have any thoughts or stories about this scary world?

Photo courtesy of eugene, used under a Creative Commons License.

[tags]parenting, teaching, fear, protection, approach, validation[/tags]