As Thanksgiving and the December holidays quickly approach I look forward to all of the festivities that come with the seasons. I’ve always been a sucker for Christmas because everything about the holiday is so cheerful. I must say I’m sad that the decorations were out in full force long before Halloween had a chance to come and go. I even let the restaurant down the street know that I was unhappy to see Christmas decorations on display already.
This time of year isn’t happy for everyone though. There are couples who are unable to have a baby and the holiday season is all about children and families. I remember the first Christmas when my husband and I were trying to add a little bundle to our lives. We had only been trying for about 6 months, but the holiday season wasn’t quite as joyful as they had been in the past. The second Christmas as full of anticipation as we were in the middle of interviewing fertility doctors and scheduling our first round of in vitro fertilization (IVF). I didn’t have time to be sad that we were still without a child because I was too busy planning how to have one.
Whether or not you have been in this same position, I ask that you be compassionate to those around you who might be struggling to add a child to their family. This time of year is very stressful for infertiles as everyone asks them when they’ll have little ones running around - most of the time not knowing this couple has been trying to do so for quite some time. Also, it can be very lonely with everyone talking about their kids when they have nothing to contribute to the conversation except a broken heart.
If your friends of family members seem withdrawn from the events of the season, I hope you’ll take notice and make an effort to provide support. Support can come in many forms, but the one I recommend the most is to just listen. Don’t offer any advice. Don’t say it will be “Okay” or “Just relax”. Just listen and provide your love.
The holidays are the best time of year to let your friends and family know how much they mean to you. No matter what they might have going on in their lives, reach out and give those you care about the most a great big hug.
by Kelly Damron
Photo graciously provided by candrews, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
1 response so far ↓
Anita B // Nov 15, 2008 at 9:02 am
Thank you so much for putting into words what I had felt for so long. It is almost impossible for me to get pregnant and my husband and I tried for 3 1/2 years before learning that we were expecting. Our little boy just turned 2 and is the light of our lives. We are now trying for a second, and I guess have been since Robbie was born. I told the doctor that I would try until my next appt (in May) and then seek his help. I also just found out I wasn’t pregnant after thinking so for a few weeks (I went 2 1/2 months without a period but just started). So, although this holiday season will be a joyful one, I’m still thinking about the little one I won’t have. I am almost 34, so I feel like time is slipping away, but I know that when that plus sign does appear, I will be ever more gracious and thankful.
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