Captain Earthquake earned his name with his sleeping habits. He’s never been one to stay in bed all night. When he was in the crib, I was up at least a few times a night every night to cover him up and settle him down. Moving to a big boy bed didn’t make things easier, because then he was free to come down to either get in bed with us or have me walk back to his room for a tuck-in.
At least in the early days of this process I heard him coming. He didn’t like walking on the tile floor in the hallway, so he’d run and I would hear him. More recently he’s been sneaking up on me. There’s not much creepier than knowing you could open your eyes and be startled by a small face staring at you in the dark. It’s not conducive to a peaceful night’s rest.
So. Long introduction to all the different issues we had to solve on the quest for a good night’s sleep. Here’s a rundown:
Well fitting clothing: One of the early mysteries was this bizarre pounding noise I used to hear before he came down to get me up in the night. I asked him what it was, but couldn’t get a clear answer. Hubby finally decided to lay on the floor one night and saw the Captain get out of bed and start pounding his feet really hard. Hubby asked him on the spot what he was doing. Apparently the Captain’s pajama bottoms were riding up his legs and he didn’t like the feeling so naturally he was stomping on the floor to get them to slide back down.
Breathing difficulties: The Captain did a lot of loud breathing and some snoring. We went to the family doc about it and tried several approaches, none of which helped. We got referred on to an ENT and after some trials with that doc we opted for tubes in the ears and a tonsillectomy. That was not easy for me, but he does breathe more quietly and the snoring is virtually gone. The ENT told us that sleep apnea can be related to swollen tonsils.
Room temperature: I had crawled into the Captain’s bed for some bedtime snuggling when I noticed that the air conditioning vent was blowing air right on him. All it took was laying a book over the half of the vent pointed his way.
Bedding that stays put: That child can kick his blankets into an amazing twisted jumble. Our most recent hangup is him kicking the covers off and not being able to get them back on. I’ve used a three pronged approach on this point. One, we had ‘cover yourself up’ lessons where I tried to make the practicing a game. Hubby hung some extra blankets on the foot board of the bed for him to pull up easily. Second, I showed him where the extra supply of blankets was in the living room so he could fetch one himself if necessary. Third (and this is what actually worked for us) I bought some clips (the kind that are on the ends of suspenders) and attached two of them to a nice long piece of elastic. That clips to the quilt and sheets and holds them in place on the bed.
Emptying the bladder before bedtime: quick and easy to send him to use the bathroom right before tuck-in.
The final and most difficult battle was just convincing the Captain to stay in bed. 2 years ago I was faced with the choice of carrying him back to bed or dealing with a massive screaming fit in the night. So I carried him to bed, did the whole tuck-in kissy thing. That worked. Only it didn’t help. Indeed, I appeared to be making things worse: he got up more and more each night. So I gradually weaned him from being carried to walking holding my hand to walking ahead of me. And yes, there were many nights of crying. He even tried sleeping on the floor in our room once.
We got him to the point of waking up only once or twice a night since the tonsillectomy this spring. The doc told me that since his breathing has cleared, chances are the wake-ups are just habit and not apnea. Solving the loose blanket problem has made a big difference too.
It was when the boys spent ten days at Grandma’s house that I really got hit with reality. In ten nights of sleeping in a different bed, and in a home with no air conditioning in the hot hot summer, the Captain stayed in bed all night every night without a problem. When we got home, I looked him in the eye and said “If you can do it at Grandma’s, you can do it here. I know you’re a big boy.” And voila. He started either staying in bed all night, or walking back to put himself to bed if he wakes up. The rule is if he gets up before I’ve gone to bed he can have a hug, kiss, and tuck-in. If it’s after I’ve gone to bed he’s supposed to use the bathroom and put himself back to bed on his own.
After several weeks of relative peace, I’m somewhat confident saying that we may tentatively have a solution to the problem. (Ya know. I figure I can declare actual victory when he’s 18.) It’s so wonderful having him actually sleep a whole night! Tempers have improved and the little guy doesn’t have circles under his eyes anymore.
So, anyone else have a little one who wouldn’t sleep through the night? Is it any better? What did you do to solve the problem?
by AmyL
[tags]kids, children, parents, parenting, sleep, techniques, relief, strategy, breathing difficulties, light, noise, empty bladder, bedding, blanket, pillow[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by schani, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
5 responses so far ↓
Carl // Nov 2, 2007 at 6:43 am
This is pretty familiar. My daughter had the same sleeping challenges due to some shockingly large tonsils. The lack of quality sleep ran over into day-time behavior challenges, too.
With the tonsils fixed (at 2! that surgery was hard for all of us!), we were able to make a lot of progress. We had a two-pronged approach:
– Bedtime ritual. The half hour or so before bed was entirely scripted. Everything from clothes-to-pajamas all the way to lights-out was exactly the same every night. Including seemingly little things like where each person sits to read. Now, she’s programmed… as soon as we start the ritual, she starts yawning. She’s 9 now, so the reading is a little bit different, but we NEVER have going-to-bed arguments.
– Don’t reward getting up. When the kids used to get up, we’d help them get back to bed. Sometimes it included a snack, sometimes a cuddle, sometimes just a carry back to bed. We fixed this by minimizing the amount of interaction that they get from getting up. We stopped turning on lights, we stopped reading that extra story, we stopped sneaking that extra cuddle in the kids’ bed (that was hard!), etc. Now, it’s a simple “I love you; go back to bed”. for the little one, we’ll follow him and close the door behind him – but I try to avoid even entering his room. By taking away all of the positive feedback that they received from getting up, they lost interest. Sometimes they still wake up, and we’ll hear them messing around in their bed – but they go back to sleep!
Now that I read this, it sounds like we got heartless – that’s not really the case. It took a lot of patience and flexibility to transition to this point. Now, the kids sleep very well, and we do to. And everybody is bright and chipper in the mornings.
AmyL // Nov 2, 2007 at 7:59 am
Oh, I hear you on feeling like you’ve been heartless! It’s so hard to be consistent when they’re all cute and sleepy in their jammies. I like what you said about routine. We follow a general plan, but it’s definitely not scripted so completely. I’ll have to ponder that. The older boys chatter like magpies for way too long after lights out.
SJ // Nov 2, 2007 at 9:26 am
We had the sleep apnea problems too – not so much with the middle of the night waking as much as the waking the in the morning as if he didn’t sleep at all crankiness – tonsillectomy and adenoids removed too (two months ago, also at 2yrs old) improved things all around!
Whitney // Nov 4, 2007 at 4:35 am
This is an awesome list; I’d add sometimes audio books or environmental sounds on tapes can be used to mask those other house sounds- parents putting away dishes, watching TV, etc. that can also distract kids.
And here’s a deep, dark secret- I remember those days of the small face in yours in the middle of the night- the stalker stuff. And I kinda miss it in some ways. Every once in a while, we’ll get the youngest coming into our room after a bad dream, to curl up and snuggle. It makes me feel like I still have the power to make everything right in their little world, and that’s a pretty heady experience.
Then again, a good night’s sleep, especially when you’ve spent the better part of 6 years without one can be pretty close to nirvana as well.
AmyL // Nov 4, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Oh yeah! I forgot we used to have the sound machine playing in both bedrooms back in the day. Everybody liked the ocean sounds. I can’t remember now why we stopped that. Could be the little ones being able to climb out of bed and play with the machine. Hm. I wonder if that was a factor for the Captain. Of course, he’s always been a wild sleeper.
I love what you said about making everything right in their world. I’ll try to remember that the next time I’m recovering from a heart attack.
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