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Boobaby and I had a mystifying playground experience this week.

Two moms were playing with their preschoolers in the sandbox. Boo, who at two years old is fascinated by kids of the older set, directed herself straight into their midst and started playing with their toys. She picked up a plastic Cinderella cup they’d abandoned and showed it to one of the 4-year olds.

"Frida Kahlo!" she announced, pointing to the picture. (To my daughter, any woman in a dress is Frida Kahlo. I have no idea why.)

The older girl accepted the proffered cup and set it aside, and Boo looked satisfied — clearly, she’d wanted the girl to take the cup. Her mom, though, who was a stranger to me, picked up the cup and handed it back to Boo while mumbling to her daughter, "Lily, you have to share!"

Now, I’m as ready as anyone to right egregious snatching; my daughter certainly has the will to make unwilling toy donors out of her playmates, so I gently correct her whenever I can. But in this case there was no theft — my daughter wanted to give up the cup.

Shortly thereafter, my daughter finished washing a pebble she’d found and dropped it into the sand. Fully ten minutes later Lily the four-year old picked up the same rock and started to wash it too.

"Lily!" her mother shouted — really, shouted. "I don’t think the baby was finished playing with that!" She grabbed the rock from her daughter and tried to hand it back to Boo. Aghast at being called a baby (not to mention astounded by the sharp tone this strange mother had used), my daughter didn’t take the rock. Besides, her hands were full with a stick, a clod of dirt, and a teacup by then.

Lily’s mom was not dissuaded. "Well, then, maybe I should give it to the baby’s daddy so she can play with it later!" She handed the pebble over to me. As an adult, I sadly could not follow Boo’s sensible course of simply refusing it, so I took the stone and said, "Here, Lily, do you want the pebble?" I gave it to her with a warm smile and Boo and I returned to our play.

Calm returned to the sandbox, but I was bewildered by the exchange.

Sometimes you have to fully describe a parenting experience to understand it. It finally struck me that to Lily’s mom, certain playthings are "more valuable" — there’s the "cool" toy that everyone wants, and the remaining toys are what’s left over. She assumed that to Boobaby, the Cinderella cup and the pebble were irreplaceable.

To me, though, and I hope I’m teaching Boobaby this, the world is full of playthings. Boo wasn’t concerned about a particular cup or pebble because she knows that there are a lot of cups and pebbles out there. In her life, there’s no shortage of sticks, worms, dirt to dig, and a thousand other fun things. Toys are great, but if they get taken or lost then there’s always something else out there to play with.

Maybe it’s just a phase, but I really hope that Boo never loses the attitude that fun is made, not found.

by Doodaddy

[tags]kids, children, parents, parenting, girls, baby, babies, controlling, harsh, gentle, sharing, caring, learning[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by emdot, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved