I’m a Step-Father and the primary caregiver for my kids (and my wife). As such, I feel a certain obligation to be excellent at my job, to be faithful to my obligation, to do my best. Unfortunately, being good at my job means, in part, reminding the kids to do their chores, to do their homework, to contribute to the well-being of the home… to be nice, to be kind, considerate, honorable… You get the picture.

And what happens when I act as the reminder? Well, honestly, I can be a jerk. Not that I intend to be a jerk, it just happens. I start out with the best of intentions, with a voice full of flowers. But, as I’m sure you understand, the flowers are not accepted with great joy, as my kids end up with an allergic reaction to “Please, when you have a moment, help me set the table,” or “If you’d be so kind, finish up what you’re doing and get started on your homework.”

It’s as if I gave them a bouquet of ragweed.

And when they give my gentle gift the evil eye, what happens? I take it personally. I feel hurt. And my inner jerk starts to overtake my inner angel.

Of late, I’ve been practicing a new strategy. My mantra is: Don’t Be A Jerk. So when they reject my honey-laden requests for assistance, I remind myself that they are of a certain age, that their brains are not fully developed, that they are, in part, victims of the culture of their peers, that they don’t really mean it.

Not the easiest path, I can assure you. Oh, how gratifying it would be to yell or stomp my foot or call them a name. But it’s just homework, and I’m just the messenger, and in the end, I don’t want to be a jerk.

by Stu Mark

Photo graciously provided by .: sandman, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved