You know that gut-wrenching yet relieving moment when you hand your child over to strangers?
Well, I don’t.
Along with the storied advantages to being a stay-at-home parent (read: “Let’s go to the beach on Wednesday!”) comes one great drawback: Boobaby, my brave little girl of nearly 30 months, has never learned to be babysat.
My wife and I went to a destination wedding last weekend. Since children were not welcome at the ceremony or reception, the couple had arranged for top-notch child care: far from the the “tween-from-my-church” variety, these were professional caregivers who signed us in, took my picture together with my daughter, and handed me a claim check as they chivvied me out the door.
I’m aware that most parents do this sort of thing all the time. You take advantage of the child care at the gym or the mall, which isn’t any big deal to your kids because they probably go to daycare, too, and they’re the stronger for it. They’ve learned the essential lesson of the secure child: their parents will come back.
Boobaby had a great time with the other kids. I know this because, insecure and jittery, I spied on the kids when they were playing outside. But when we picked her up a little over an hour later, I saw dried tear tracks down her cheeks. I steeled myself to ask her, “Did you have fun?”
She answered in the affirmative, but without her usual exuberance: she’d had a good time, sure. But then she said, “Can we go dance?”
Boobaby knew we were coming back. But she wanted to be with us, anyway.
Clearly, she’d heard the music from the nearby reception and felt left out. I suspect that she knew precisely what happened: her mommy and daddy went off to socialize without her, leaving her to play with strangers who didn’t know about all her favorite activities: digging for bugs and swinging upside down and dancing ballet.
Obviously, Boobaby has to learn that we her parents sometimes enjoy ourselves on our own. Using alternative caregivers — day care, babysitters, or even other parents — will teach her that she can have a great time apart from us and then rejoice when we return. (Eventually, she’ll probably want us to stay away just a little longer!)
But just then, presenting my baby claim check to the uniformed baby matron, I wanted nothing more than to take Boobaby right out onto the adults-only dance floor, swing her upside down, and show the wedding party all the wriggly bugs we could find.
by Doodaddy
Photo graciously provided by santheo, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
5 responses so far ↓
Ticia // Jun 13, 2008 at 7:14 am
So, my only problem with your post is you assumed that anyone who had left their child at gym babysitting or church babysitting also leaves their child at daycare and doesn’t stay home with them. I stay home with my kids, but also believe it is important for them to know that I will leave and come back. So when I go to church I leave them with the children’s ministry, and when I go to work out I leave them at their childcare. They love it. When I pick them up, they’re perfectly willing to go with me, but they’ve had fun as well and knew I would be back for them. So, I think there is a middle ground from what you’re talking about of always being with your child to the other extreme of putting your child in daycare so they’re not always with you.
Rachel // Jun 13, 2008 at 11:17 am
My older daughter was in daycare and still wouldn’t let me leave her at the gym.
It’s more personality driven than anything else. And they definitely grow out of it!
Megin Hatch // Jun 14, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I am a huge proponent of ditching the kids regularly. As a stay at home mom, I find the rare occasions when my husband and I get time together to be nourishing. Likely, time with other grown-ups feeds me in a way that is very different from the sustenance of being with the Punks.
I do think regardless of circumstance (at home/daycare/babysitters/other) it depends not only on the personality of the kid but also on the mood and the perception of the kid and what they dreamed about last night. It also depends on how things are explained ahead of time.
Of course I find it’s a different ball game with the Punks because they can lean on each other in unfamiliar situations.
Doodaddy » Day Care Daze // Jun 15, 2008 at 12:54 am
[…] The adventure continues: to read the whole article at GNM Parents, click here. […]
Doodaddy // Jun 15, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I dunno — Boo has a very bold, very independent personality, she’s just not used to care by others… I think she *could* and *should* be, but it’s just that I think I haven’t done a good job of making it happen.
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