I’ve heard that first borns tend to develop leadership qualities. Right now, I’m wondering if that will be the case for my daughter Miss K. She is the first born, by 10 minutes, but her “little” sister bosses her around. Miss A is taller and appears to have developed leader qualities at the prime age of 3 1/2 years. I have no doubt she’ll get herself and her “big” sister into trouble as they approach the teenage years.
If Miss A decides she wants to wear a dress, Miss K will want to wear a dress too. If I put my hair in a ponytail, Miss K decides she wants her hair in a ponytail too. If Miss A asks for “blue” ice cream (which is blueberry sherbet), Miss K, who previously wanted chocolate ice cream, decides she now wants blue too.
It is on a rare occasion when Miss K does something as an individual. However, today I was very proud when she decided she wanted pink nail polish on one foot and purple on the other when Miss A was opting for pink and orange.
I must admit that I’m a little concerned already (yes, I’m a huge worry-wort) about peer pressure. What will Miss K be like when her friends decide they want to try smoking, drinking, or sneaking out of the house (thank goodness for the chime on the home alarm system!)? Will she give in? I sure hope not, but my heart says probably. I’m hoping she’ll grow out of the desire to be like everyone else and become a leader in her own right.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that my twins have a bond I will never be able to fully comprehend and that there will be times when they want to be like each other or do the same things. I recognize, too, that they are still very young and I have time to help them develop into little leaders. It is my responsibility, after all. I hope someday soon, Copy Cat will be the name of one of our pets and not a state of mind.
by Kelly Damron
Photo graciously provided by //Rutger, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
4 responses so far ↓
Megin Hatch // Jul 18, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Kelly- I am right there with you in the worry dep’t.
My oldest is very impressionable. If he s watching a show and someone’s eating an apple, he sits right up and says “hey- I want an apple.” He’s 8 now but this has been his personality from the beginning.
I talk to him about taking on more of a leadership role with his siblings and friends… and try to help him recognize these opportunities- but it does NOT come naturally to him.
There are so many studies about birth order- is it usually applicable with multiples?
Figuring out ways to help develop and encourage the leadership skills is high on my to-do list.
Kelly D // Jul 20, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Megin,
Thanks for your comment. I don’t know if the birth order applies to multiples or not, I’m assuming they do. So, it sounds like I’m going to have my work cut-out for me since leadership doesn’t seem to come naturally for Miss K. Not everyone needs to lead - I just hope she doesn’t FOLLOW all the time.
Kelly
AmyL // Jul 20, 2008 at 11:09 pm
We refused to tell the older boys which one was born first for a very long time. Interestingly, they didn’t ask until they were probably 8 years old. It’s always other people who ask in their hearing, and we just refused to answer.
As it turns out, the boy who was second born is currently the more dominant personality. That wasn’t the case when they were 2. We finally told them in an attempt to level the playing field a bit because Mr. Dominant was really really dominating. A lot.
Now we see definite signs of maturity on the part of the boy who’s actually the oldest while his (still dominant) twin has quite a ways to go. I think birth order does apply to some extent, but it’s muddied by the twin experience.
With the younger boys we’ve made much less effort to conceal birth order but again it really hasn’t been an issue. I did giggle this weekend when one of the big boys asked me in a stage whisper if he could tell the littles who was older. I told him to try and keep it to himself, which I believe he did. Such a cutie!
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