Giving New Meaning to Parenting

I was awakened by our 20-month old Boobaby deep into the one-digit hours when she shouted for food. Her cry was very specific; it would probably be spelled something like “FüdÅ¥! FüdÅ¥!” I’d already offered her a bottle, something I try to avoid after bedtime as I think it encourages her to wake us up. This night, however, she was authentically hungry, so we went into the kitchen for a well-appreciated midnight snack, only after which Boo was able to sleep.

It had been a “mom” day, and sadly, mom sometimes lets Boo disengage from meals too quickly. The girl is in a phase when anything can distract her from food: a toy in the next room, a butterfly passing by, the fascinating folds of her own socks. For her to eat enough requires that we make the process entertaining. Otherwise, she’ll get hungry and cranky — in this case, in the middle of the night.

When I perceive that my wife isn’t checking on Boo’s hunger-level, the concerned parent in me (who, let’s face it, values his sleep) wants to step in. “Don’t let that girl out of her high chair!” I want to shout. “Give her some more time with that food!” But I don’t say a thing, because I dread that I would be guilty of the kind of “father-knows-best” intervention that uncharitably goes by the title “momblocking.”

Amy Sohn wrote the definitive article for New York magazine on dads — stay-at-home and otherwise — whose parenting confidence grows to the point where they take over the majority of family decisions, much like the storied “gatekeeper moms” across the gender gap. While I sympathize with every single dad she interviewed, I can proudly report that when I get the momblocking itch, I manage not to scratch.

• My wife wanted to put Boo into a special dress for a visit. I could see that it was a “knee-banger”: the hem was exactly the right length to get tangled in Boo’s feet when she climbs, spelling disaster when combined with fancy new shoes and bare legs. Without complaint, I simply snuck a spare dress into the diaper bag, which my wife changed her into within an hour.
• A month ago, arriving at my in-laws’ house after a long plane ride, grandma immediately wanted to take Boo to the neighbors’ for a visit. Inside, I suspected that the baby wouldn’t be able to handle meeting strangers in such an exhausted state and so late. My wife approved the visit, though, so I held my tongue. Sure enough, grandma returned in less than five minutes with a screaming, overheated baby writhing uncomfortably in her arms.

Little examples of this sort crop up every day, and every time, I master the impulse to step in. After all, who am I to assume that I know exactly how Boobaby will react in every situation? As a stay-at-home parent, I might be pretty good at predicting what she’ll do, but no parent can be entirely sure what’s coming next. And, more importantly, I need to trust my wife to make good choices based on her experiences — even when I wouldn’t have chosen the same way.

That, to me, is the essence of “co-parenting”: you don’t suddenly turn into the same kind of parent as your spouse, and you will frequently differ on parenting decisions. Successful co-parenting isn’t giving up your differences: it means holding on to your own opinions while simultaneously supporting those of your partner, whether you understand them or not. Walking the tightrope between my own and my wife’s parenting strategies challenges me immensely, but at the same time I derive enormous satisfaction from the process. So for now, I will continue to fight off those momblocking urges.

But they’re still there, deep down, begging to be let out.

by Doodaddy

[tags]kids, children, babies, baby, parents, co-parenting, mom-blocking, arrogance, patience, teaching, eating habits, feeding, dressing, safety[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by Qole Pejorian, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved