What rights do children have? Do they have the right to privacy? Do they have a right to freedom of expression? Parents, educators, and the general public all have conflicting feelings on these subjects.
From a legal perspective, children are often called “minors” and are not held legally responsible for their actions until they reach the age of majority, often 18 for some rights, like being able to vote, and 21 for others, such as drinking legally. This means a person under 18 cannot legally enter into a binding contract without the consent and guarantee of a guardian or parent. This means kids can’t have credit cards, for example, or buy a house on their own, assuming they have the funds to do so.
As far back as Blackstone, the famous English legal scholar, parents have owed their children the duty of maintenance, protection and education. Yet where do the rights and responsibilities of the child begin and those of the parent end?
Children can become emancipated under special circumstances, meaning children under the age of 18 can get the privileges of adults if they have enlisted in the military, married, or have a court order, and in some jurisdictions, girls become de facto emancipated minors if they have a child, allowing them to make their own decisions for their health care and that of their newborn, but in that regard only- they do not automatically gain the rights of emancipation in all areas of their life.
This is relevant because there has been a recent outcry about software that keeps parents in the loop about how a child is performing in school, called Parents Connect. (There are several other packages available as well, although this one is most discussed.) While it lets parents monitor whether their child is actually turning in their homework, or is cutting class while at school, with minimum involvement from the principal or teacher, is this 24/7 surveillance of your child a good thing?
I love the fact that this software allows parents to better know what’s going on in school and helps kids plan long term projects. What a blessing to take out the sometimes unreliable middleman who says “I forgot”- this way, parents and kids are partners in accountability for getting work done and managed, in the best of circumstances. But sharing so much information about every thing a child does also opens them up for criticism and critique like never before. I would resent being micromanaged on that level as an adult- does that make it okay to do to kids? Where is their privacy, if they have any at all?
I do my best to raise my kids in such a way that I do trust them. I want them to make mistakes and learn from them- I just hope the mistakes they choose to make when testing boundaries aren’t so large that they have long term negative consequences. I want to know what’s going on with them, but I want them to tell me and connect. I want to guide my kids, not just offer them a performance review on a daily or weekly basis.
While kids have limited rights, and I have every right to search the backpack for lost permission slips, test papers, and the like, I don’t want to be the household Gestapo. I want to have an open and trusting relationship with my kids.
And I know my parents wanted the same thing for our relationship, and there were times I just couldn’t tell them some things. Those moments of hurt, indecision, or disappointment felt too personal, hurtful, or shameful to share, and the last thing I wanted to do was to disappoint my folks- I had already disappointed myself. I tried to put up a façade of perfection, and it was constructed as much for me as it was for them.
So in an age where we can pretty much have 24/7 surveillance on our kids, at school and through GPS on cars and cell phones, how much information is too much? How do we let them make mistakes and learn, yet protect them from the dangers of an unforgiving and competitive world? I can’t keep my kids in bubble wrap forever, and expect them to be ready for the responsibilities of adulthood.
I know in my heart it’s all about teaching them responsibility early, scaffolding skills, and being there to kiss the hurts and make it better when bad things do happen. I want to be a partner in my child’s growth and development, not do it for them. This requires me to be a gentle “Guide on the Side” rather than a dictator, but the dance between command and control and mentoring is a tough one for most people. I wonder about it each and every day.
How do you balance keeping “tabs” on your kids with letting them have the freedom to explore and fail on their own terms? Where are your lines in the rights children have to be their own person, and the responsibility we have as parents to protect and nurture them until they are ready to fly solo?
Photo graciously provided by foreversouls, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
3 responses so far ↓
AmyL // May 13, 2008 at 7:04 pm
I think the balance between rights and responsibility is ultimately determined by the child’s behavior.
In the case of the software, I think that’s a fantastic tool, especially for struggling students. I’m all for offering that to any family who wants to log in and check on their child.
I’m also all for not logging in to check on a child who’s clearly doing well in school on his/her own.
It’s true (imho) that the whole thing depends on the age of the child as well. To use a really ridiculous example, I’m not going to claim an infant has a right to privacy and therefore shouldn’t have me changing his diaper. Children need us to do more for them when they’re younger.
Ultimately, I think the children have the right to food, a safe shelter, love, and things like that. The rest are privileges that are earned. They should be earned, and they should be awarded, don’t get me wrong. But it’s my responsibility as a parent to meet their needs and offer structure and support while pushing them gently out of the nest at the same time.
Ha ha, that’s the long way around to say if my child needs accountability via some software then that’s the wise choice.
InTheFastLane // May 13, 2008 at 8:06 pm
This is something I struggle with, especially with my oldest, who is 13. It is the letting go of control that is hard.
From a school point of view, my school has a similar type of student management software. I have seem that is is very useful for parents to keep tabs on students who might otherwise be less that honest. But, I have also seen parents who are obsessive with it to the point of e-mailing teachers over every detail and asking about assignments that have just been turned in. And these are students who are doing well. These are the parents that need to loosen the control and log off the computer.
Angela Goff // May 15, 2008 at 12:09 pm
As a home school parent, I can’t say how I would feel about 24/7 surveillance. This is a slippery slope for me, since I did see what they were doing on a day-to-day basis. I think I would appreciate the ability to see that my children were safe, and I would appreciate knowing how they interact others. I do think that a kid’s perspective will depend on a number of factors. I.e., what the relationship is like with his parents, stage of maturity, and personality type. I like that these schools are giving that option, but as with the case of parental rights, now it is up to the parents to use it appropriately.
Leave a Comment