Grasshopper New Media Presents...

Have you ever had a moment where the fact that your kids are watching you, picking up on everything, then imitating it became strikingly real? Too real to ignore?

I’ve had a few moments like this with my son. Thankfully, none of them have been particularly bad or shocking, but still. When it happens, I have one of those moments where I’m filled with wonder at his ability to pick even the most subtle things up, and humiliation over how undeniably remiss a parent I am at times.

When Max was about a year-and-a-half, it took me a full two weeks to realize that every time the Simpsons came on TV (which was twice a day), he would shriek out "D’OH!!!" Once I was done both cracking up and marveling at how he connected the theme song to Homer’s catchphrase, I felt awful. That my son at one-and-a-half recognized the Simpsons was a sign that my TV was on entirely too much. And yet, it took me a few more weeks to shut the TV off because I love the Simpsons and had grown used to decompressing after a long workday by watching that show.

As it is, the TV-being-on-after-daycare-slash-work is still a challenge for me. But at the time this happened, I shut the TV off and brooded over the whole thing for a while. I was properly chastised, even if it didn’t last.

This topic and the Simpsons example came to mind a few days ago when I was driving home with my son. At the intersection leading into our neighborhood, I stopped, waiting for my turn to make a left. As we paused there, another car blew right by us and cut another off. That car blasted its horn, and my son piped up from the back seat, "G*D DAMN IT!!" And with that, my road rage was reared its ugly, shameful head at me.

I’ve been fully aware of how driving the streets of Miami brings out the monster in me. People here are so reckless and rude and full of self-importance that driving is an absolute nightmare. All the things you’ve read are true. So I’ve been working my the cursing and honking I do (seemingly nonstop) for quite a while now. And while I’m not as bad as I’ve been in the past, I obviously still have some ways to go, if that is how my son reacts when he hears a car horn blaring.

The car incident has been on my mind since the day it happened. While it was in many ways really funny, I’m haunted by the deeper meaning, and struggling with how to fix it. The obvious answer is, of course, to stop cursing around him and to chill out when I drive, which I really am working on. But there is something more here; it’s not just about this incident. He will continue to observe me, to mimic me, to show me with painful clarity all the ways in which I fail.

And I can take it, you know. This isn’t about whether or not I can take it or change my behavior; it’s about how my son is absorbing these things, and whether or not I will be able to stop them from harming him in any way. What if he takes on my bad traits and they are uglier in him? Or what if he resents me for being just like me?

There are no easy answers here. My own awareness helps, I think, but this seems to be one of those fears that in many ways is out of my control. And that is the hardest part for me!

by Tere

Photo graciously provided by Professor Bop, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved