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My problem was that I got smug about it. Max doesn’t like pacifiers! He spits them out! I’m so lucky! Hahahahahahaha!

The truth is, I was so worried about nipple confusion that I just didn’t introduce him to any nipple but my own. No pacifiers, no bottles. When I was getting ready to head back to work (I took a five-month leave), we began introducing bottles then.

But still no pacifier, much to my mother’s and his new nanny’s horror. To be honest, after the first couple of months, it just never occurred to me to use one to, um, pacify him. He wasn’t much of a crier; though, in hindsight, I bet they would have been a lifesaver all those times he fought sleep so hard (which was basically every single time). In time, though, he came to accept a pacifier at naptime, and we were o.k. with that.

So we saved ourselves the hassle of breaking the pacifier habit, right? Wrong. So very wrong. In December, when he was 15 months old, Max began using a pacifier. Or rather, it finally took. In my head, it’s all a blur: one day he was unaware of their existence; the next, he was addicted. What actually happened was that we were in the car, in traffic, and he was wailing inconsolably. Without stopping to think of the consequences, I reached into his diaper bag, pulled his pacifier out, and passed it to him.

The end.

That thing must have worked some major magic on him, for he refused to let it go. Six months later, we’re still at this. He’s o.k. about being without his pacifier when he’s playing, for the most part, but the second he feels tired or a bit off, he asks for it. To deny him is to invoke a full-on freak-out tantrum.

The thing is, part of me just doesn’t care. I see it as him going through something that requires this kind of comfort. And experience has taught me that he’s fairly reasonable and easy-going, and that when the time comes to take the pacifier away, he will fight for a bit then be done with it. But something tells me it’s not yet time. I don’t know what it is, or if I’m interpreting the feeling correctly, but it’s there.

And yet, and I’m really tired of all the admonishments I’ve received for letting my child suck on a pacifier even though he’s almost two. I wonder, what is this based on? What’s the rule on pacifiers, and what bad thing will happen if I don’t immediately remove it?

My own reason for wanting to break the habit (for daytime use, I have no plans to take it away for naptime and bedtime any time soon) is his teeth. They’re already being affected by the pacifier, and as someone who had horrible teeth as a child, I don’t want my son to go through what I went through.

So, while I personally am not horrified that Max is almost two and still on a pacifier, I do want to take it away. I’ve taken two weeks so far to work up the nerve to do it, and haven’t gotten much far then that. I know I just need to jump in and do it – take it away and make it clear he can have his tete only for nap and bedtime – but I fear the moment we’re running errands and he goes into full freak-out mode over his denied pacifier. I really do. Because I’m fully aware that in daycare, his mimi only gives it to him at naptime, and even then, if he tosses it somewhere and it disappears, he goes down without it without any protest, I know that such tantrums on his part are a test: his will vs. mine. And because our wills are equally strong, neither one of us will back down – he will scream his head off, and I will refuse the pacifier. And then I’ll get frustrated and flustered, and he will continue screaming. It’s a battle I don’t know how to properly fight, because at some point – what is the point?

See what I mean? I work myself up enough to talk myself out of the whole thing. Still, it has to be done. So cross your fingers and wish me luck: we’re saying bye-bye to the pacifier!

[tags]kids, parents, pacifiers, letting go, weaning[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by the author, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved