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Anyone who has movie channels on their cable package knows this is the spring of the Star Wars marathon. Not just the original Star Wars, but all six feature films. Normally I’d be thrilled to watch them all, over and over, because I pride myself on my ability to remember which creatures are affiliated with the Empire, and which are part of the Rebel Resistance. This is where parenting changes everything, particularly with boys.

Jack is six and Graham is three. They are best buddies and worst enemies, all in the matter of seconds, depending on who has the toy of choice in their hands. My husband and I agreed, when Jack was an infant, that we would not raise our children to play with guns or swords, or anything violent. We truly believed that he wouldn’t have any interest because our plan was to eliminate the factors that could cause curiosity; TV shows, toys, other kids who played with guns. Remove Jack from the scene, turn the channel, act like guns were boring and stupid, so why bother with them?

However, we couldn’t ignore the fact that we live in Pennsylvania, where more people hunt than in any other state in America. So we told Jack all about what to do if he saw a gun at someone else’s house. “Tell the parents! Don’t touch! Ever!” Even preschools go over gun safety in this state, because of the prevalence of weapons in western Pennsylvania. Things rolled along nicely. We saw other boys taking bananas and making them into guns, legos, blocks, their hands in socks, whatever they could come up with, that was a gun. Still, Jack had no interest. We were doing something right! We’ve succeeded!

About six months after his preschool gun safety program, I gave him a refresher course at home. I got down eye to eye with him. “Jack, do you remember what to do if you see a gun at someone’s house, or if a friend of yours shows you a gun?” I waited eagerly and proudly, knowing he would answer correctly, after all, my husband and I had succeeded so far! His eyes rolled around, thinking hard. Very seriously he replied, “Stop, drop, and roll!”

This brings me ahead a couple years, and back to the Star Wars marathon. Both of my sons now own light sabers. They play pretty well with them saying to each other, “no winding up before you strike!” and “Just hit my legs, ok?” This pleased me. They’re watching Star Wars with my husband and not talking about guns! Cool.

The marathon had been going for two weeks. My husband had let Jack and Graham see most of all six films by now. There are some gruesome and more violent scenes we censored, but for the most part, they enjoyed the movies. Suddenly I noticed them saying things like “kill,” “you’re dead,” and “oh, he’s just passed out, mom. It’s ok.” My eyes narrowed. I don’t think I like where this is going. Then I saw Graham take the safety belt in the grocery store cart and use it as a gun. We’ve failed. We gave in to the Star Wars saga and it’s undone all of our hard anti-gun work!

Friends of mine tell me that no matter what you do, by kindergarten all boys engage in some kind of weapon play. “It’s genetic!” they tell me. Is that supposed to make me feel better? I went online and researched the topic, Boys and Weapon Play. Tons and tons of articles, all saying essentially the same thing. No matter what you do, now matter how you try, boys will engage in this type of play, but rest assured. You aren’t raising a little Darth Vader, or even someone who might turn to the Dark Side. It’s in their nature. I’m still watching closely, limiting the time they play with light sabers, and reminding them that Darth Vader let go of the Dark Side in the end.

[tags]boys, weapon play, guns, safety, violence, star wars, dark side, behavior[/tags]

Photo graciously provided by macwagen, under a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved