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When my kids were all small, bedtime was fairly routine. When it comes to meals and bed, I tend to have structured times so that both kids and parents know what happens when. I am not a completely structured person, overall, but I do like to know that my kids will be in bed at a certain time. Bedtime has always been one of my favorite times of the day. As much as I love spending time with my kids, there is something wonderful about having them upstairs sleeping and having my responsibilities done for the day. I love being able to put my feet up and relax and not have any more demands. I like being able to have a conversation with my husband. I like being able to watch some TV, some of which would not be appropriate to watch when my children are around.

But, now my children are getting older. And our bedtime routines have had to adapt to their changing ages. And right now, I am struggling to find that time where my demands are done. Violet is 13 and she can watch some of our TV programs with us now, if she chooses. She and my husband have watched American Idol together for the last two season. All we require of Violet, is that she has her shower done and be in her room by 9pm. I think she stays up way later than that, based on how long she would like to sleep in the morning. But, as long as she is getting up for school when she is supposed to and not falling asleep at school, then we are ok with where we are at with her.

Jack Jack is only 2. Because we get up fairly early in the morning so I can take him to Grammy’s house, on the way to work, his bedtime is relatively early. By 7:30, at the latest, Jack Jack is sound asleep in his bed. Sometimes on the weekends, and often in the summer, he stays up later, but this is dependent on how long he napped and what else we have going on that evening.

The bedtime that is giving me the most trouble is the one for my middle child. I guess that is the job of the middle child, to make sure that no one forgets about them, and it holds true at bedtime as well. Bedtime with Dash has always been a struggle. He has always been such a high maintainance kid that we needed his bedtime to be relatively early, so that we could regroup mentally and emotionally. He has also been a “with the sun” riser, who never slept past 6:30 am in the morning, especially in the summer when the sun comes up as early as 5:00. So, we would start putting him to bed around 7:00 pm, with the hopes of him actually being asleep by 7:30.

Dash, though is 8 years old now, and his bedtime has recently crept closer and closer to 8:00. For a while, we still required him to be in his bed by 7:30, but he could read until 8:00. But, lately that hasn’t been good enough for him. He wants to be apart of everything else that is happening. My husband has been letting him watch American Idol too, now, although, I am not convinced that this is entirely appropriate for an eight-year-old. Most of the time, he is reading around bedtime. But, last night Violet requested a game of scrabble and She and Dash and I played until 8:00. This would be fine, if at 8:00 Dash would actually get himself in bed quietly and stay there. But, as the Mr. and I tried to watch Lost, Dash came down the stairs no less than four times with various requests. Finally, the Mr. told him that if he got out of bed again, his bedtime would be an hour earlier the next night. But, this is a battle we wage every night at bedtime with Dash, no matter what time we “claim” is bedtime.

As my kids’ bedtimes gets later and later, I am finding that my relaxation time, is almost nil. I get up early to run before work. I am up every weekday morning by 4:30 am and by nine at night, I can hardly keep my eyes open. That also means the Mr. and I, or even just myself, have very little time to ourselves. Is this inevitable? I know that my kids’ bedtimes are relatively early when compared to others of my friends, but it has been what has worked for us and our kids. But, I am not sure that our new schedule is working for me, or for us. I am not even sure what a working schedule should be anymore. Is it time to readjust my expectations and create a new reality?

by In The Fast Lane

[tags]growth, growing, maturing, kids, children, parents, parenting, bedtime, adjustments, schedule, scheduling, adult time, fairness, work[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by yvestown, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved